THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
