just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
