Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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