somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
it hurts more in the daytime
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
