my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
