Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i think i scared a bird with my dick
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
