3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
