last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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