"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
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