You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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