watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
