I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
