It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
