i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
