I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
