My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
