U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
