Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
