Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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