We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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