I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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