Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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