On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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