What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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