Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
