I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
