I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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