I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
