My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
