To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
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Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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