someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
