How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
