Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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