The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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