I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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