Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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