Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
North Korea, Best Korea!
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever