The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
