The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
