Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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