I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
