he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
