how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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