Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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