and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
What a fucking waste of an outfit
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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