Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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