fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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