Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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