What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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