Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I want a musical about memes.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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