if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
