I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Rumble strips road head = magical
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
