Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
