Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
