Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
