I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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