**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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