The beer is more important than you right now.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize