"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
