I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
