How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
