you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
