i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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