were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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