..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
