the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
