lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
