she looked like the bat from fern gully.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
