Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She's the barista slut.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
