i can't believe i had my finger in that
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
