I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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