Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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